Abner Renta..........Master Angler

Although the piercing smile had not yet fully subsided from his face, Abner said “Of course I remember you Mr. Paradise. How could I forget a name like Paradise?”

“Well, my wife and I have always loved your place, and I’ve just sold my business here in Kansas City and we’re at a point in our lives where we’re looking for a lifestyle change, and we’ve always thought about owning The Riverside. Any chance you’re looking to get out of the business and sell the place?”

The smile was now back broadly, so profoundly, that he could barely operate his tongue to get words through his lips. The high elevation afternoon sun was reflecting off of his fully exposed rotting dentia, the reflection from his ragged incisors in the front window of The Riverside all but blinding Abner to the point where he couldn’t concentrate, but he summoned the necessary wherewithal to answer in something like a hissing purr…”Yes…yes… I might be interested in discussing a sale of the property. But it would have to be to the right people…people that would care for the place, people that would love the place, as I have.”

‘Oh My’, I thought, ‘beyond the financial, he has additional qualifications for who he’ll sell to.’ Could we be so honored, could we ultimately be selected and would we be chosen worthy enough to ably carry his water at The Riverside going forward?

I didn’t want to be cast out from consideration before a proper vetting so early in the game, a vetting that might show me and mine not worthy to bear the distinguished mantle of Proprietor of The Historic Riverside Hotel, but I had to come right out and get a price, as I had a maximum number in mind that I was willing to offer, but I feared that the number was maybe half what he was asking. No sense going any further if the place was immediately out of our price range.

“So Abner, I know there is a lot of water to cover between here and there, but so I don’t further waste either of our time, do you have a number in mind that you’d sell the place for?”

Abner said immediately, and emphatically, no doubt his arm was outstretched and his index finger pointing skyward in oratorical emphasis, “I won’t take a penny less than $800,000!”

Now the drunken pumpkin grin appeared upon my face. I’d imagined the place to be worth 2 million, maybe as much as 3 million, and my drop dead point with what I thought we could offer was 1.5 million. Here was a 13,000 square foot structure on 1.5 acres of Colorado River-front property – bona-fide Gold Medal trout water that people traveled from all over the world to angle. I’d read that people spent as much as 3 million dollars for 2500’ feet of undeveloped riverfront property on The Colorado, not but a mile or two upriver from Hot Sulphur.

“Well, that seems to be a price range that we can work in…let me talk with my wife and get back with you.”

I didn’t then know, but know now, that Abner quickly lost the smile at this point and went heavy into a ‘gotta sell this son-of-a-bitch at all costs as I haven’t had a serious prospect with the money to make this happen on the hook for the past 19 years’ survival mode …”I do remember you now…you had a family and you seemed to love this place. Not everyone could take this on, but I remember that you and your wife and kids seemed like you’d be the type of people that would be perfect for this place. Wasn’t one of your kids retarded?”

“No, uh, that was one of our friend’s kids you’re thinking about, and he wasn’t retarded!”

“Sorry. Sorry. I’ve had so many thousands of guests the past few years, it’s a wonder I can remember as many particulars as I can…given my advanced age…and my poor health…(cough…cough). I really would like to sell this place to you, as I’m really starting to wear down.”

“Well Abner, let me talk with my wife, and I’m going to put a list of questions together and I’ll call you in a few days.”

And now, here was not only the first red flag of hundreds that I would fail or refuse to see, but in retrospect, here was the biggest, football-field sized red flag of all times regarding our magnum f-up in the pursuit and eventual purchase of The Historic Riverside Hotel, Bar & Restaurant.

Abner opened up to me, a virtual stranger, over the phone on our first phone call…”I’ve got a couple of other parties interested in the property…I think you should know that.” (‘Damn!” I thought.) Abner continued…”Unfortunately, I’ve got myself into a little issue on my property taxes, and I could use $10,000 to get up to speed with the county. If you could send me the money, we could put it towards a down payment, or at the least, I’d pay you back at a generous interest rate when I sell the place to someone else if you’re not interested in purchasing the property. And if you were to send me the money pretty quickly, it would sure put you in a favorable position when I’m deciding who to sell the place to.”

At this point any normal human being and most abnormal human beings...probably even most cats and dogs… would have not only turned away from this deal, they would have snapped their necks turning away and running as fast as their fat little shanks would carry them, all the while laughing with glee, screaming to and thanking the Good Lord above about having almost gotten into a deal that would’ve involved sending big money on the come to a shifty, broke, tax-evading hotelier in a State that was not only accepting of him, but also the city of Boulder and it’s inhabitants.

Reality and simple common sense would then have its natural chance to kick in, and you’d reply to this outlandish request with a “What??? Do you think I’m out of my mind? I’m going to just up and send you $10,000? Are you insane???” You would then hang up the phone, probably chuckle to yourself, and then get on with your life.

I probably don’t have to tell you that the $10,000 check was in the mail, heading west to Abner Renta, but a few short days later…..

To Be Continued